Friday, August 13, 2010

Crash


For 3 years I have driven what I called, the silver bullet. A purchase I made as a sophomore in college, my 2005 Nissan Sentra replaced the "sexy white Stallone" who had gotten me through high school and into college. While the transition was a hard one, eventually I came to love the "silver bullet" which has been magnified by the crash I was in last weekend. I'm not even completely sure what happened ... possibly I fell asleep, perhaps I hit a pot hole who knows but what I do know is I walked away from an accident scratch free because my loving and protective car shielded me from potential pain.

I'm faced with a hard decision ... do I fix my car which sits currently in pain, or do I buy a "new to me" car and hope to love it like I have loved my prior 2 cars. This possibly seems like an easy decision, but let's compound this decision by adding the fact that I have 3 long intense years left to pay on the silver bullet. Out of hard expensive options, which is best? What route should I take? What road is the "correct" one? While I aimlessly seek to answer this question my brain is burdened, tired and even overwhelmed. I don't know what the right decision is. Do I listen to my mom and step dad? Do I take my own advice? Do I turn to my best friends? If I take one person's advice over another, will I face unending "I told you so's" later ?? Of course, I cannot know, but while I strive to figure it out I hope that I am making the most rational, the most valid, the most beneficial decision that I possibly can.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Random Scribbles #1 - My life as a paradox

I am an academic, I am a thinker, analytical over-analyzer who wants to get a PhD - the highest attainable degree but... I get through my days because I can go without thinking, burying some thoughts deeply within my consciousness in a hope to never revisit them again.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Live like you'll get alzheimer's ..

I live my life like I will get Alzheimer's disease (AD). This probably sounds strange because I am only 23 years old of moderately good health ... but since the exit of my teen years I've made sure to live this way. What does it mean to live like you'll get alzheimer's? AD is a far too common condition in which the brain begins degenerating. My first encounter with AD was when I was somewhere between 10 and 11. Like normal, I was visiting my family over the summer. Stoked, I came to my grandmother's house, but she just couldn't remember who I was.

As a teen, I thought I had a great memory until I realized it just wasn't so. My best friends could remember entire events that I had forgotten except upon detailed reminders. Phone numbers that I frequently used became foreign. Crushes that once occupied great space in my mind became forgotten acquaintances. Therefore, at the onset of my adult years, I decided I would write everything. How I felt, when, why. How I met a person, when, where. The goods, the bads and the uglies. In my phone, you see your name accompanied by the method, place, season or time that we met. Full names if I know it.

If you've heard the song, live like you're dying, an interesting ditty about not taking your life for granted, you must also remember to live like you'll forget it all. You'll find in this blog that I write so as to remember when I'm 65 exactly what I once was intrigued by at 23.

Live like you're dying - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTALLCna6gY